I have seen many a downfall of families. We know of many reasons for this but here's a less discussed one - the vindictive son-in-law.

Marrying into any family means that one is marrying into a belief system, a way of life, a conviction. It also means marrying into a distinct culture, religious affiliation and long observed traditions. Respecting the in-laws means respecting these belief systems, way of life, convictions and standing up for all these, together. Because if a young man finds these belief systems repelling and the family disagreeable, he should have never in the first place, bent over backwards and frontwards to marry into the family.

Imagine a son-in-law who knows the family’s values such as prudence and discipline. Due to his own shortcomings, this son-in-law goes all out to refute these values and collaborates with the weak link in the family (the girl) to influence all other siblings to stray away from these values. Imagine the pain in the heart of the parents-in-law watching their children getting influenced against their wishes. Imagine them seeing their children make grave mistakes right infront of their eyes. Imagine having to lie to the whole village to cover up the shame and disgrace that follows.

Take an orthodox family for example – why should a boy tackle the girl behind the parents’ back? Why doesn’t he just walk into the house with his parents and ask the parents of the girl for the hand in marriage. Why milk the cow first and ask the permission to buy it later – knowing very well that the parents have no choice but to say yes to his puny proposal? How can a boy who enters the family in this way claim to have any respect to the in-laws? Where was that respect when he stole her dignity to satisfy his own emotional and physical needs?

It is so saddening to know that a son-in-law who starts off a relationship with no respect to the practices and beliefs held by their in-laws will only corrupt everyone else in the family as an act to save his own face. Because in the end, if the family is full of elopers and disenfranchised sons and daughters who struggle economically and socially from decisions against their parents’ wishes, the family sinks in ruins and the son-in-law may not look so bad after all.

My heart goes out to all the parents who face this predicament and who still stand tall for the sake of their daughters. Some even fake defend their sons-in-law to keep up their status despite the damage and ruin they are engulfed in. For sons-in-law that come to teach a lesson, please know that you can’t right a wrong with more wrongs. Karma is a one-way trip. Families are not built overnight. What you are destroying will require you to pay heavily in this life and in many lives to come. As we speak, there are sons-in-law who have stood up and fought for their parents-in-law’s convictions and beliefs more than their own sons would. Good men are aplenty. It is not difficult to be one.

And for the girls who are part of this, one weak moment can bring an entire family to its knees. It can be the 21st century, but integrity, dignity and self-respect are still the order of the day.